Energy Reset at Jaco Beach

In April, Alex went to Nicaragua for three nights with some girlfriends.  It was difficult for me to be in the home by myself with no one to talk to in person.  I can definitely throw myself into my work and love my alone time, but three days was too much. 

Now in May Alex was going to NYC for five days to get vaccinated.  She wanted me to go with her, but I came to Costa Rica to GET AWAY from the US, and the last thing I wanted to do was go to NYC when I could have been on the beach, so I passed on her invitation.

Getting Vaccinated

This is an interesting phenomenon, especially considering how vaccinations have now played out in the past 90 days.  For instance, I came to KC on June 13 and was easily vaccinated on June 14.  But it wasn't always this easy, and overseas it looks very different.  The US government has made a huge push on getting the country vaccinated and appears to have done a very good job of executing against that objective.  A country like Costa Rica doesn't have the resources to make it happen.  It is very difficult to get vaccinated there.

I watched Alex's parents for months worrying about COVID, and it reminded me of my dad.  They were anxious for a vaccine, and when it did become available in April, her dad pulled some strings as an upper-class 80-year-old to get his vaccine. Alex's mother was right behind him.  By early May, they were both vaccinated, and their attention turned to their four children.  However, there was no way to get vaccinated in Costa Rica, and this created a perceived risk to the parents.  I watched the same concerns in my father, who will identify with Alex's parents.

On top of that, Costa Rica experienced an uptick in COVID cases this spring, and the country was extremely sensitive to COVID and vaccinations.  Two people in Alex's family's bank died this spring from COVID.  Tensions were extremely high.

On top of that, the US apparently realized they had more vaccines than they could distribution to citizens, so they basically opened up the borders to foreigners who wanted to get vaccinated.  It probably created a temporary surge in "leisure" travel into the US.  I don't blame them.

This leads to an influx of upper-class Costa Ricans coming to the US to get vaccinated.  It wasn't just Alex and her siblings.  It seemed like everyone in their inner circle was doing this, and the family bank even launched a program to pay for any employee who wanted to go to the US to get vaccinated.

Back to my Story

Here is my situation:

• Alex goes to NYC with her friend Maria Jose for five nights to get the one-does J&J vaccine, and I'm left in the house all by myself.  
• I had been engrossed in a creative project for a month.  It has been exhilarating but also pushed me to my limits.
• I learned my lesson in April not to stay in the house again, so I set my intention to head to the beach for a few days.
• So, this all leads to me deciding to get away to the nearest beach (Jaco) for three nights to recharge energetically. The creative project is basically done and I wanted to reset.

I've been to Jaco before, and there isn't anything special about it other than it is only 90min from San Jose without traffic.  I wrapped up my work midday Saturday and headed to the beach (thus avoiding traffic).

But First...

I had been sitting in the relationship with Alex all spring, not only for us to get a feel for it, but for me to get a feel for San Jose.  If I am going to commit to this relationship, then I'll need to commit to living in San Jose so Alex can be with her 12-year old son.

We'd been trying to find ways for me to make connections in the city.  I had her family, which had quickly become important to me.  She tried to find me a tennis partner in the housing complex, but that never worked out.  There was an American family that had just moved to the complex, and we tried to develop a friendship there, but it wasn't going anywhere.  She had looked at different spiritual groups, but most of San Jose is still traditional Catholic and that isn't for me.  She encouraged me to look for ex-pat groups on Facebook, but that isn't my style.

I did come across this woman named Patricia, who said she was interested in metaphysics and connected to the school of happiness.  This caught my attention and I wanted to learn more.  (I'm deeply interested in energy.)  I met Patricia for tea on Friday before leaving for the beach and quickly dismissed her as a connection worth exploring.  And then she said something that caught my attention:

Lawrence, you may benefit from an energy reset

Yes!  I was intrigued not only at her awareness but of how accurate it was.  My energy was a mess from everything going on.  And my past experience had shown me a few things about this topic.

She suggests I use this weekend as the time to do it.  I'm thinking this is perfect while Alex is away and I'm transitioning out of the creative project.  She offers to go with me, and while I'm hesitant, I do say yes.  I get a 2-bedroom Airbnb at a surfer hotel and take Patricia with me to see where this leads.  

Jaco

As with every Airbnb, this one was ok but overpriced.  Nothing special at $45/night.  But it had two bedrooms and a kitchen and an outdoor work area, which is what I needed.  I split my days between working and going to the beach.  It was so good to reconnect with the beach. 

We went to two different beaches the first two days, and I noted how confident I now felt navigating Costa Rica without Alex.  She'll remember when we first met and how lost I was getting around the country.  I didn't want to go anywhere without here.  I remember in January when she pushed me out of my comfort zone and put me in the driver's seat of the Land Rover.  I didn't like it at first, but Alex helped me get acclimated to San Jose.

Patricia & Energy

I quickly realized that Patricia was a nice person who meant well but didn't have the experience to get into the space with me for an energy reset.  And the school of happiness thing sounded more substantive than it was. 

So I had to downgrade my expectations rather quickly and co-exist in this situation.  At first, she seemed ok with that, but as the weekend went on, she was more unsettled at my withdrawal.  As with so many people, Patricia is at a difficult period in life (she is about ten years older) and has significant trauma so our conversations shifted there.

I could see her energy getting off in this situation, and at one point she said she would take the bus back to San Jose and leave me alone.  I encouraged her to stay in this space with her feelings and that we could navigate it as "friends", which she did.  It was an interesting role reversal because here I wanted to reset my energy and I was focusing more time on hers.  I don't think she ever thought this was a date, at least she shouldn't have thought that because I made it clear I was not interested in her in that way.

Emotional Safety

This has been THE TOPIC this past year since losing Jen, and Patricia gave me a beautiful test of my ability to be emotionally safe.  As this weekend situation was going off the rails, I noted how much progress I had made in creating safety for others to explore their emotions and express them.  Emotions are messy, and it is hard sometimes to sit on the other side of that.  I chalked this up as something from the experience to be grateful for.

Exploration

I'm a creature of habit.  I was content in the surfer hotel and Jaco beach, but Patricia is more like Alex and wanted to see something else.  So instead of fighting her and sticking to my personality, I thought about Alex and honored her spirit of exploration.  I agreed to move to a new property for the final night about 30min south.  It was $60 and was more of a hostel-style property with a community kitchen, but it was on the beach.  So I said yes.  It made me feel connected with Alex, who was in NYC.

And I'm glad I did.  Just like so many times before, I was reminded how Alex's energy is a nice compliment to mine.  She pushes me out of my comfort zone and I experience things that otherwise wouldn't happen.  This is something she is built to do and a quality I would benefit from in a life partner.  Now sometimes Alex pushes way too hard and runs me (and others) over, but for now, let's just laugh at it (even though at times it was more about tears).

I met the husband/wife of this beachfront property, who had a small Airbnb property and had watched investors build this three story condo project that went bust years ago because of the economy.  The husband/wife scraped together the money to buy the structure out of bankruptcy and are slowly finishing it themselves to compliment their original property.  It is a neat story and I hope they finish it successfully.  

I did enjoy the beach-front lifestyle.  Not only could I see/hear the beach while working, but it was nice to close my computer and simply walk to the beach.

Energy Reset

I didn't get the energy reset I was looking for, but I did get something valuable out of it.  I realized how off my energy was.  Inside, I was a chaotic mess and felt that.  The stress of learning a new country, exploring a new relationship, pushing out a massive creative project, and healing from the most painful loss in my life is a lot.  As I sat on the beach for those three days, I realized I needed more time and space to tend to my soul.  I needed to extend out my timeline beyond the three-day weekend and allow more of this to settle.  I couldn't even evaluate the current path I was on because my energy wasn't in a place to see it clearly.  I was more reactive than intentional.

Since 2012, I have been guided by four core desired feelings.  These help me make decisions in life so that I feel the way I want to feel.  It works, and my four are vulnerable, energetic, creative, and joyous.  I knew I needed to find a way to get my life back into that energy.

Deceiving Alex

And if you want an example of what I'm saying, here's the best one I can offer you.  I didn't tell Alex about Patricia because I knew Alex wouldn't understand and I didn't feel safe.  I made a huge mistake, and at the time I didn't see it.  Only afterward when I had to live in that mistake did my misstep become apparent.

In 12 years of relationship, Jen and I stayed out of this space.  I did a good job of making decisions only if I could tell Jen about it.  In that regard, we were very safe for one another.  I violated this one time in the relationship with Jen during the trauma we experienced in 2017, and I know from therapy how important this is for a successful partnership.  This was the first time I violated it with Alex, and when it happened, I knew it was another sign that I was energetically off.  Hiding anything from your partner is not going to create a healthy, safe relationship. 

If you can't tell the other person about it, then don't do it. It isn't worth the risk.  This entire situation speaks to my sense of desperation. I took a risk I shouldn't have taken, and it put me in a scenario I didn't want to be in.  Instead of making things better, I made them worse.