Back in KC
June 28, 2021
It's been more than a month since my last update, and A LOT has happened. I paused writing so that I could focus on the chain of events that have unfolded. Now that I am back from Costa Rica, it is time to update you on my travels. There is a lot to share, and thus I have chosen to break it out into several updates and will be sharing those this week.
I have found that I personally cannot pay attention to someone's story if I don't know where it will go. I tend to read ahead to see how it concludes. So if you are like me, I'll tell you the ending, and then you can read how it got here, and more importantly, what I experienced.
Alex and I are no longer in a relationship. We made a 5-month run at it, and we were playing for the "championship". We each saw a potential life partner in the other, and since this was so important to both of us, the ending has been painful. We are both grieving through that loss.
For me, this adds even more context to losing Jen. It triggers some of the pain and grief from the past year, and it reinforces what Jen continues to mean to me. I'm realizing how hard it is for me to try again after losing the love of my life. Failure picks at that open wound.
I did spend the entire spring in Costa Rica and came back to KC on Sunday, June 13. I spent a week in KC taking care of some business, and on Father's Day, Henry and I headed to the lake. He is my focus this summer, so we will see where that goes. Beyond that, I could absolutely see myself back on the beach somewhere...Costa Rica or somewhere else in the Caribbean.
For some of you, the updates to come this week may be too detailed. For others, the updates may feel too dramatic. I hope for most of you my writing feels authentic and you can take something away from my story. I believe you are following this blog because you care about me and my adventures. I'm going to continue to live vulnerably.
Brene Brown taught me in 2011 that vulnerability is the thing we look for first in others and yet it is the last thing we show to others. Her work is largely based on this behavior and how it impedes connection. And she's right. We live in an interesting time. The Internet is the most connective tool humans have ever had. And yet somehow it seems we have less relational connection than ever before in human history. We feel so exposed by the Internet, and there is so much hurtful energy reverberating in our communities. It is only natural that we pull back and protect ourselves from it. And this pulling back feeds the disconnection. I believe we will find a way to adapt and come out of our shells again and have the strength to be present with one another. Humans were created to be relational and live in community. We thrive when we are safely connected to one another.
With that on the table, stay tuned this week for the rest of the story...